What You See is What You Get

Fifty-three weeks ago, I wrote an intensely personal blog post entitled A Love Letter. In that post, I documented my journey of discovering that I am neurodivergent - specifically autistic. (I now understand that ADHD is a large part of the mix too.) During this past year, I have spent a goodly amount of time coming to terms with what this delayed discovery meant to my past self and how it affected that person. And what it means now and to my future self.

As mentioned in previous posts, I have always felt like an alien in this world - I have masked (or tried to) all my weirdness - all the eccentricities, all the sensitivities, and all the internal chaos. I can't say I was trying to be accepted or "normal" - cause that isn't the case. I simply didn't want to be noticed - ever. Invisibility was my life-long goal.

Masking became my "normal" - I didn't know how to set boundaries or ask for what I needed - mainly because I didn't even know what those boundaries or needs were. My internal landscape was as much a mystery to me as it was to everyone else.

What I know now is that binding yourself so tightly within a facade of OK-ness can only lead to overwhelming feelings of frustration and irritation that simmer and boil over to hurt the people you love most.  

With that knowledge, I am trying to be more conscious of being truly authentic - allowing myself to tell folks when I am feeling overwhelmed, asking for what I need, and removing myself from situations that make me what to crawl out of my skin - without apologizing.  

The funny thing is, the more I embrace all those wild eccentricities that inhabit this incredible neurodivergent brain, the more confident I am in being myself and showing all my wondrous weirdness to the world. 

Circling this concept back to my life's mission, every child deserves to feel like they can fully express themselves without masking, hiding, or feeling shame for simply experiencing the world differently. They should not have to wait fifty-seven and one-half years (or forever) before they, too, feel free to joyfully say, "What you see is what you get," without remorse or fear of ridicule or punishment.

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