Childhood Trauma (Part II)
I think we can all agree on a few basic tenets: there are varying levels of traumatic experiences, no two people will respond identically to the same trauma, a young person who has endured it is forever changed, and while the experience(s) can never be erased, emotional healing can be achieved. I would go even farther to say that the layers of catharsis fully depend on how the trauma was originally dealt with. Those who are instructed to hide it, as a secret, will continue to be traumatized throughout their lifetime. This is probably the main reason that incidences of childhood trauma tend to be generational. The only way to fully heal and break the cycle is to bring those horrible experiences into the light of day to be dealt with in a productive manner.
The main reason DRC has built a solid reputation for helping young people is because of our insistence on recognizing, and in fact, honoring each individual’s unique perspective and history, whether they have endured trauma, or not. Most kids perceive that Deep Root Center is a safe place almost immediately upon entering. Not only is the atmosphere relaxed and homey, the vibe naturally projects animated engagement. It is a hive of activity filled with happily, absorbed kids who are freely occupied with independent and group ventures. And, it is, most definitely, not school, which, in many cases, is all they need to know.
When a young person first joins DRC, we don’t always know whether childhood trauma is part of their history. Our first goal is to create a natural, easy rapport with them – a connection of mutual trust. We, quite simply, treat every single child with dignity and respect. We want them to understand on a deep level that even though we are the adults, it doesn’t mean we will ever coerce them to do something they don’t want or feel ready to do.
Within this mentoring relationship, their past experiences are eventually revealed one infinitesimal anecdote at a time until we are able to piece together their story. With that being said, based on their behavior, we are usually able to determine pretty quickly whether they have endured childhood trauma. Those who have often exhibit high levels of anxiety, have a difficult time trusting and developing friendships, have a fear of committing to anything (classes, a project, etc.), are extremely hard on themselves, have a victim mentality, are afraid of making mistakes, have trouble making plans for the future, and are frequently exhausted.
Beyond creating a comfortable environment, sitting with a child who is hurting – merely being there as another human being, is probably the most important thing we do. I want to be very clear in stating that we are not trained therapists, nor is DRC a therapeutic center. Nevertheless, we are mentors who care deeply for each child entrusted to us. We are dedicated to working tirelessly to provide whatever resources each child needs to begin their arduous climb towards emotional well-being. If that means encouraging them to seek out professional counseling, that is what we will do. When it requires patience, affirmation, and pure kindness, along with occasional gentle reminders of our community agreements while they work things out in the best way they know how, that is exactly what we will provide. And, when they make progress, we bring it to their attention and celebrate (loudly) with them.
There is never a good reason for condemning a child for being lazy, irresponsible, stupid, or a troublemaker, who seems hell-bent on making your life miserable. You may never know their personal stories. However, we all know there is a good chance they may be just one of an incredible number of children who are completely overwhelmed from dealing with the symptoms of PTSD, and, are only able to focus on surviving each individual moment in the best way they know how. All children, not only those who have suffered hardship and trauma, require understanding, respect, and compassion, as well as, the time, tools, and space to become healthy, kind, and motivated individuals, who are ready to explore the possibilities, dream big, and tackle whatever challenges come their way.
Childhood Trauma (Part I)
Childhood Trauma is life-altering. No one can negate that fact. Neural pathways and general brain chemistry are damaged for those who have endured either a one-time traumatic event or long-term, sustained trauma. There is a general recognition that children and teens are at a greater risk than adults who experience similar harm because their brains are developing and growing.
There are entire professional conferences and training that address and teach the “Trauma-Informed Approach.” I am not going to delve too deeply into this latest buzz phrase in the field, except to say, like so many things in the professional educational world that are commoditized and standardized, , in my mind, provide little in a practical or individualized application. I firmly believe that trauma-informed care cannot be accomplished in a coercive, institutional setting. To offer something that requires personal connection and open minds in a facility that does not provide freedom of choice or self-determination for the practitioner or the child is, truthfully, an oxymoron.
The triple threat of poverty, anxiety, and depression exists because of trauma. The resulting apathy, disenfranchisement, hopelessness, and anger are continuously fed by that preexisting damage. We cannot solve society's problems with the band-aid of Trauma-Informed Care. Our response requires a complete cultural shift that places compassion before judgment or blame, people above profit, engagement beyond detachment, and freedom without coercion.
Children who are living with PTSD need personalized, adaptable, compassionate, and loving connections, not an inflexible, “one-size fits most,” “cure-all” that feels cold and clinical. They don’t want a “safe room” (padded solitary cell) where they can “de-escalate” on their own. They do want a comfortable space where they can vent to a safe and trusted person. They do not need confrontation or condemnation – they do need empathy and understanding. They should not have to change themselves to fit into a particular environment – the environment should be accommodating for everyone. They won’t recover in a system designed to change behavior with punishments and rewards. They quite simply need to heal in a place with caring people who will provide flexible tools- to recover on their own schedule and in their own way.
*This is Part One in a two-part series. Next week, I will discuss how the effects of Childhood Trauma present at DRC and how it informs everything we do.
DRC Fundraising Store
Students in the DRC DIY/crafting class have decided to sell some of their creations as a fundraiser for Deep Root Center. They are starting out with up-cycled braided dog toys and will be expanding to other pet related items soon. Check out their on-line store here. All purchases go toward DRC fee reduction program.
We are in the process of developing an After-School Program for children who attend other schools in the area. This program will offer the time and space for kids to dive in and investigate all the interests they have, but don't have time to do during a regular school day. The entire Deep Root Center facility will be open for kids to build and create, play and explore (indoors and outside), as well as chill and relax. The lead staff person will have a background in STEAM education and will be available to provide guidance in a variety of projects based on the specified desires of the attendees. We will be seeking 10-12 participants for the Pilot Program that will run from January - June 2020. Like our regular programs, we anticipate this will fill in quickly. Get in touch to be placed on our enrollment list. Fees will be posted soon. Family discounts will also be available.
It is Just a D*mn Trench Coat!
Only in a society that is hyped up on fear, will the local police be called because a young man is wearing a trench coat. True story! And, it was not the first time! This post is not about that specific tale, which is truly not mine to tell, but the sense of disconnection we have fostered through our, obsessive, willingness to judge and criticize others based on our personal and cultural biases.
Why did we stop talking to people? Why are we afraid of teenagers? Why do we hone in on the differences instead of the similarities? And, most importantly, why have we, as a society, lost our ability to create connections, instead of dissonance?
Does anyone else recognize how utterly stupid it is that someone actually called the police because they saw a teen walking around wearing a trench coat, or, the multitude of other ridiculous reasons law enforcement have been contacted in recent memory?
The only way we can fix this is to counter the culture of fear and prejudice by developing bridges across the perceived divide of differences to recognize our shared humanness and to create relationships. Go - talk to a stranger! Look at people and smile when they walk past. When you are curious about something, ask the question - get engaged. And, most importantly, open your mind and your heart to the beauty of diversity. Only then can fear of the other be replaced with the sense of community and connection.
Most young people come to DRC with a severely distorted image of themselves, which has been cultivated, manifested, and sustained by the negative verbal and subliminal messages they received from peers, authority figures, or from people they respect and love, as well as all the traumas they endured. Those critical implications ignite a perverse and dangerous cycle of self-perpetuation. Perceptions are powerful, and they do not discriminate! Say or hear something, negative (or positive), often enough and it will become normalized and very real within your mind.
The following statements I hear from kids, on the daily, are all I need to confirm this truth: “well you know, I am the bad kid.” “I am so dumb. I can’t do anything right.” “I am lazy.” Or, even, “I am not creative, artistic, or imaginative.”
Pointing out negative behavior does not force someone to change – it only reinforces all those internal negative images and profoundly impacts their future. In time, the label becomes their excuse, their reason for not trying, and for ultimately not succeeding.
This is just one of many reasons I never request school records. Most consist of nothing more than a rap sheet. And, I understand that whether I am aware of it or not, my feelings about a student could be unfavorably influenced by knowing their previous record.
Seeking out and focusing on the affirmative accomplishes, as you would expect, the exact opposite – positive steps forward. The following is a short tale to highlight this basic principle: we currently have a teen who believes with his whole heart that he is the “bad kid.” He (as well as a parent) has relayed a well-documented reputation to confirm why he believes that statement. We have spent the months, since he joined us, refuting that conviction – honing in and frequently remarking on the sweet-natured kid we see underneath the bluster, immaturity, and bravado.
Friday afternoon, Chris was talking to another student who was having a bad day. He was simply feeling blue and disappointed with how the day had unfolded. The teen overheard the conversation, got up from the computer, took off a silicone bracelet that had an inspirational saying on it, and handed it, without fanfare or explanation, to the kid who was feeling unsettled. Needless to say, we immediately expressed our appreciation and the pride we felt for his selfless and kind behavior.
When he left for the day, he was standing a bit straighter, with the hint of a smile, indicating a sense of personal achievement, on his face. That one small, but, significant action could very well be the beginning of healing for that teen. I look forward to watching his journey unfold as he manifests positivity in his life by being the “good,” kind, and compassionate kid who helps others through some of the rough patches he understands far too well.
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