Procrastination & Guilt
Have you noticed? Procrastination and guilt are the very best of buddies. They show up prepared - one with cozy blankets, some good books, and a streaming device, and the other follows close behind with snacks - ready to settle in for a while.
I often wonder, seems this is the case - why do I put things off? I am not talking about the small stuff - here, either.
For me, (I think) it comes down to the fear of screwing up those big projects - the inevitable mistakes and the myriad of responsibilities that follow once they have been completed.
For instance, a few days ago, I finally self-published the second book in my children's series as an e-book - twelve years AFTER the first was published and fifteen years after I finished writing it. Yeah, I procrastinated the first one too.
My excuse for the second book was that I didn't have any illustrations (my artist had grown up, left home, gone to college, and got married - jeesh!). And despite my many efforts to find someone to take on the task - it never happened. This past week, I actually figured out how to solve that issue. Duh - I have the tools to create something myself!
Seems I was on a roll - I also made the first one in the series available as an e-book and republished the paperback. I will make the second one accessible in paperback later today, too.
You would think I would feel all the happy emotions - pride, relief, joy... This is not the case - now I feel dumb, super guilty for taking so long, and overwhelmed by the next step - self-promotion. Which, as many of you understand, is not my jam.
There are other biggish things that I put off, too - at this moment, it is a significant grant that I know we will likely get. And the piece that makes it even worse is I literally have the playbook from others (thank you, my LL Peeps) that have written it and received the funding.
Sometimes, I remember to give myself a break - some grace. I am a firm believer in the beneficence of the Universe. She is guiding me - even though this feels (looks) like procrastination, maybe it is simply waiting until everything aligns for the most favorable outcome. Or am I possibly selling myself a line of bull to feel better? (Pass the snacks, please.)
In any case - I am motivated to write (copy & paste) that grant - today or tomorrow... and to start on the book promotion. The links are below. Please share.
May you too find the guidance, inspiration, and grace from the Universe - that informs you (when, how, and where) to do all those things you aspire to.
Weekly Creative Meditation
Summer Program - register today!
The Schoolhouse Gang Series:
Welcome to Streamside! This is the small country schoolhouse in Northern New York where the Schoolhouse Gang - a group of ten-year-old best friends share everything. Follow along on their adventures as they play and learn together.
I will have paperback copies of both in the next few weeks, if you would like to purchase them from me (I will also "make" more by selling them directly). Shoot me a message if you would like either or both. That will help me determine how many to order.
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