After writing about accommodations last week, I wanted to clarify a few details that occurred to me this past week. Adaptations, tools, and hacks are often viewed as excuses. Excuses are, in actuality, a defense mechanism and the antithesis of ownership. "No, I can't because" means "I won't try" or "I don't want to try."
Whereas adaptations or accommodations are the things that allow people to do "the thing" despite their challenges. These folks don't blame - they want to own everything - including their challenges, struggles, failures, and subsequent triumphs.
To be clear, "no, I can't" excuses are often based on pathologizing neurodiverse diagnoses, previous experiences, and conditioning - which makes folks believe that they sincerely cannot - it is impossible.
Victim mentality is a coping mechanism grounded in a negative view of life that influences everything and is usually a trauma response. Blaming someone or something for their inaction becomes unconsciously habitual. Which subsequently leads to perceived incompetence - "I suck at everything."
This behavior comes from an understanding that life happens to them, and they have no control over outcomes. Refusal to try is the only way to achieve autonomy and keep their internal dialog intact. It becomes second nature to accuse an outside force and to refuse responsibility. Consequently, they don't want to seek a way forward - because it may dissolve their foundational belief and closely held identity that they are incompetent.
Perceived incompetence is a learned behavior. And like anything else, it can be unlearned through hard work, awareness, and persistence. Allowing your true self to emerge without restrictions or masks - is the first step. Your labels and trauma do not negatively define you - they are simply another piece of you that make you uniquely awesome. Developing a positive mindset about yourself, others, and the world, in general, is essential. Instead of, "I can't because..." say, "I can try with these accommodations."
No excuses. I am purely me (and you are purely you) - responsible for setting boundaries, designing hacks and tools that work for me, and living authentically. Because, when more of us are accountable for ourselves and our behaviors and work through all of our "shit," the universe will respond with gratitude.
Weekly Creative Meditation
We have had a ton of fun and adventures at both Centers this past week. Karen and Trader are settling into DRC-East and getting to know everyone there.
DRC-East is moving from North Lawrence to 47 Perkins Rd. in Massena this coming weekend. We need people power more than anything! There are many moving pieces to this endeavor (we have things stored in various places). Please get in touch if you can join us for this opportunity that celebrates community, connection and FUN! Thank you!
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